Put a lock on it!

No, we’re not talking chastity belts for footballers and golfers (although, now that I think of it …)  I mean, if you are parents, even of young children, you need get into the habit of shutting your bedroom door regularly, and for extra peace of mind, you may want to lock it too.  Not just when you’re planning to make love (you don’t need to telegraph your intentions!), but at other times too.

Of course, a locked door is going to mean you’re both more likely to be able to relax and enjoy lovemaking, without fear of intrusion.  (Not that it’s the end of the world if one of the kids catches you “in the act”, they won’t be marred for life – just handle it with calm, age-appropriate reasurance).  But knowing you might be walked in on at any moment is not usually conducive to being able to really get into sex and let go; knowing the door is locked can make all the difference.  (Incidentally, if you’re worried about being overheard, why not make it a common occurrence to play music in the bedroom?)

So many parents nowadays seem to feel they should be available to their children 24/7.  I disagree.  Of course you need to be responsible and make sure your children are safe, but parents need and have a right to privacy and time out too.  I believe retreating together behind a locked door gives an important statement (to the kids AND to each other) that you as a couple value and protect the bond between you.  It also models good boundaries, which are healthy for everyone living together in a family.

So don’t feel guilty about prioritising private couple time.  What could be more important for children than that their parents nurture and invest in their own relationship?

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2 thoughts on “Put a lock on it!

  1. Sarah, your comment makes me aware of how few of us heard or received any sex-positive messages from our parents.

    Do folks think those kind of comments give parents the opportunity to give back the message, ‘Well, you know, it might seem gross, but sex is actually a wonderful thing / a lot of fun / a really good part of being a couple, which I hope you’ll find out for yourself in a few years …’ ?

    Or is it just natural/inevitable for kids to think of their parents being sexual as repulsive?

  2. Valuable common sense that ever-available parents perhaps don’t feel able to permit themselves. I suggest parents need even more permission to be their sexual selves and to withstand the inevitable, ‘Oh, thats Gross (Mum/Dad!)’ remarks.

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